I am nearing a month when my beloved mother took her last breath.
This is truly the hardest thing in my life. Hard to think about. Hard to write about.
On March 31, 2021, my mom died in the care of University Hospital and staff. She was 92. Yes, she lived a good long life… but it truly does not make it any easier.
I am still processing it and some days I can’t believe this is my new real. Without my mom.
I loved my mother more than anything in the whole world...she was my world. She was my best friend. When she hurt, I hurt. If she fell ill, I would do everything to make it better. If someone hurt her, I turned into a protective bear. She was the greatest woman I have ever known. She had a heart of gold and not a single bad bone in her body. She was my princess. My sweetheart. My beautiful mother. She was a breath of fresh air. A kind soul. A giver.
My mother loved everyone. Every friend I made she loved. And they all loved her. She was the woman who would give you her food and starve so long as you were not hungry. She believed in everyone. And she loved her family. Her kids were first and foremost, ALWAYS. Her love for her 12 grandchildren was immense. Like no other. Her love for her 20 (and growing) great grandchildren lifted her spirits and always made her smile. She was nothing but PURE LOVE.
I don’t remember a time I felt as sad as I do now. How do you grasp the death of such an incredible person that has been a huge impact on your life for so long? You can’t. All I can do is share my grief and experience in hopes that maybe it will help someone going through something similar someday.
What can I take away from this sense of loss, grief and feeling of destruction of myself.
The only things I can think of, is how much I want to be the person my mother wanted me to be. How much devotion I can pour into every single thing I do. That’s what my mom did. She poured love and devotion in every task she took on. She loved fiercely and made sure everyone felt cared for who came across her path. Whether it was with a hug or wanting to feed you. Every single thing… was love. She made you feel loved. She made you feel appreciated. That’s what matter the most in life. It’s the little things.
I learned lots over the years and I am sure she will continue to guide. But another thing I can take away from my loss… is that I tell my family and friend I love them. I hug them. I don’t worry about expressing my feelings. People need more of that. The world needs more of that.
So yes, work hard. But love fiercely. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Make the most out of every day.
